After Mom died, I expected to never be able to listen to James Taylor again. She loved him, she grew up with his music, and his music seemed to define a part of her. Yet I found I still enjoyed him. I was surprised to find that the song I can't listen to, the song I only engage with when I'm ready for a cry, is Brandy (You're a Fine Girl) by Looking Glass. The first time I heard that song after Mom died, I remembered listening to it on the radio with her when I was a kid. She turned it up … [Read more...]
If She’d Been Healed…
The whole day that Mom lay in that hospital bed we fully expected she would be healed. We waited in anticipation for her to open her eyes - we saw it happening at any moment. We waited, imagining the stories we would tell about her healing. We waited, expecting to make glorious phone calls back to family saying it was okay, God had come through, all was right in the world, she had been healed. We watched her closed eyes waiting for them to flutter. We squeezed her hands waiting for her to … [Read more...]
Regret
There are some things I regret in this life. There have been days wasted, meaningless calories consumed, and opportunities missed. More specifically, there are some things I regret about my relationship with my mother. My desire for independence. My need to do everything, even at a young age, on my own. But days like today, my mind is filled with a few of these one thousand gifts, moments of no regret, only overflowing thankfulness. I do not regret trekking across Paris to an obscure market … [Read more...]
In Praise of Fat Little Preachers’ Wives
Well...last week was fun. My blog post "They Named Me Bold" completely exploded. (You know what's funny? I posted the link on Twitter at 3 AM EST because I wasn't sure I was going to keep it up. A friend saw it, posted it in a group, and bam...Friday was over!) Tuesday evening I was moved to tears by the reach of that little article. I was moved by the honor it is bringing to my mom, who passed away in 2012. More honor for how she lived her life poured out. After she died I read through … [Read more...]
When Hosannas Turn Silent
Last week I had Kirk Franklin's "Hosanna" playing on repeat in my head. Sunday our [incredibly talented] keyboardist played it for me and it continued echoing in my head on Monday and Tuesday. It played on repeat in my headphones on the metro and I even danced a little in my seat. It's a raucous celebration of Christ - one of my favorite songs, just full to the brim with joy. And then Wednesday hit. Wednesday would have been my mom's 56th birthday. The day started with me waking up … [Read more...]
Come Quickly, Lord Jesus – A Prayer
We ask you, come quickly, Lord Jesus. Come quickly, Lord Jesus, to speak to our hearts and fill us to overflowing with love for those we do not understand. May your Word fill our mouths like honey. Come quickly, Lord Jesus, to open our ears to hear the stories of the broken. Give us the courage to show the same grace you have shown to us. Come quickly, Lord Jesus, to our brothers and sisters around the world who boldly proclaim faith in you unto death. Strengthen the courage of those left … [Read more...]
On Grief.
Grief is a word too broad to describe that which has become part of my daily existence. At times grief sits with me, silent, as I process how loss has forever changed my life, my story. At times grief wrestles with me and pummels me until I admit defeat and cower in fear until she leaves the room. Some days she is there to remind me of favor and blessing. She sometimes slips in where I least expected her to remind me how very - lucky is not a strong enough word - lucky I am to have … [Read more...]
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