One Year.
As I sat in the Detroit airport on 8 March, 2010, I wrote in my journal one last time before departing for France: “I know that after this, there will be the Kelly before France and the Kelly after France. How strange to be at the beginning and to know that everything is about to change.”
One year ago today I stepped off of the plane and into a new life.
How can I put it into words? The last year has been many things. It has been the most challenging year of my life, I am sure. I think it has been the loneliest year in some ways. I have learned to live my life according to what I need rather than what I want. I have made the most amazing friends. I have learned how much I love and miss “mes proches,” those who are close to my heart in the states.
I realised that I am not, in fact, that big of a deal. I realised that I have so much more to learn than I have to teach.
A large part of me believed (and maybe was taught) that I was never good enough in ministry, that my dreams were second-rate, my talent was useless, and my drive was questionable. I was always fighting for the approval and the thumbs up of those in leadership above me, praying they would notice my effort and would allow me to help build something. Many parts of my heart were healed here, full faith was put in my ability, and it was made publicly known that I was capable of doing a variety of things. I find myself no longer walking in fear and insecurity, simply because someone took the time to believe in me and include me on things.
There are so many people who are now woven into my life that I had never even met a year ago today. I think back to the fear that surrounded all of this – the fear of raising support, of moving away, of giving up my life at home…and I can honestly say that none of it did any justice to the adventure this has turned out to be.
9 Comments
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Esther Wiggins
I am so grateful and happy that you are one of the amazing friends woven into my life that I would never have met if we hadn't come to France together : )
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Esther Wiggins
Don't know why Nigel's picture is accompanying my comment, doh : /
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Amanda Tyson
I am so very glad and grateful that you are here! God has blessed you with such incredible gifts and talents and it is so exciting to watch them being used in such an excellent way! Love you girl....Bonne Continuation :-)
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I got choked up reading this. I can so relate. I love the fact that you are growing and exploring and challenging and learning. I can't wait to hear all about France. We miss your pretty face. Love you!
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Connie Brown
Kelly, I loved reading your blog. You are an encouragement. I loved the fact that you were going so "open" that you were perceiving from the get-on that there was going to be a different "Kelly" that came out of all this...that it wasn't just going to be an adventure, or another happening in your life. I love that! I also appreciated your honesty about not feeling good enough, talented enough, second-rate, useless thing. (You never revealed any lack of confidence or doubts.) Unfortunately, when you grow up in blessed churches where talent and giftings are so abundant I think it is easy to feel like that. It is only when you take what God has given to you and go pouring it into the needy areas of God's world you begin to see your self-worth through His eyes. Wow! He certainly has you on the Potters Wheel and it is a good place to be. Thank you for sharing. I was blessed. Love, Connie
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Love this, Kelly!!!!! :)
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I am proud of you because you "get it". You are not self absorbed and you understand that you simply play your life in God's orchestra just wanting Him to be pleased with the notes and skill with which it is played and at the same time understanding that the notes and skill itself come from the conductor, and unless imparted there is simply no music. At the same time, while not self absorbed, you are a contender. You contend for the faith, you contend for what is right, and you contend for what you are confident is God's pleasure in your life. You gotta lot of guts Kel. You are far more than I was when I was your age, heck, you are far more than I am right now. And you know what, that gives me joy. You go Kelly, I like what I see. Look forward and feel the Wind.
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All I can say Kelly, is that you NEVER disappoint US. :-) You are amazing for The Bridge & for each of us that get to do this thing with you! Happy 1 Year!
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Sharon Roberts
This is a great post Kelly. I particularly like the first photo at the top of the page!